Mayhem at The Opera
by DuchessLomia
Summary: A parody in which several different versions of The Phantom appear one night and wreck havoc on the Opera House and it's employee's. Just a bit of fun.
1. Default Chapter

Meg skipped along the hall humming softly. She was excited after the standing ovation the audience had given for their performance that evening. Meg was thinking happily about the young suitor who had flirted with her in the foyer earlier. Suddenly she turned a corner and collided with Christine.

Christine's arms went flying upwards along with flowers, chocolates, and small trinkets. Meg gasped, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking about where I was going!" Christine smiled. "It's alright, neither was I." Meg helped Christine pick up the flowers and other items. "I just throw these away, far too many admirers give flowers and such, I wish someone would give me a book." Meg said. Christine nodded. "It does get overwhelming." Just as she said that they heard a mad coughing from behind the wall. "What was that?" Christine looked around.

Meg quizzically replied, "I believe the wall is having a heart attack." The girls dropped their possessions and backed against the other wall. Abruptly the wall from which the coughing came from revolved around as if on hinges. A strange man dressed all in black, with a black hat and white, full-face mask fell out, as if he had been leaning on the wall. He stood up hurriedly, rubbing his chest and gave one last cough. "Forgive me for my impudence; I did not intend to interrupt your conversation. My heart, I dare say, is bothering me again."

At the man's sultry, seductive voice Christine jumped. "You're the Angel of Music!" She exclaimed. Meg looked puzzled at the masked man. "He doesn't look like an angel, more like an actor in costume." Christine began to walk towards the man when he held his hand up. "Dearest, forgive my deceit. I understand you have every right to be angry." Christine stopped and cocked her head. "Who are you really?" She asked. The man bowed. "You may call me Kay-Erik" He replied.

Meg had no idea how to respond so she curtsied. "Pleasure to meet you Kay-Erik, I am Megan and this is Christine." Kay-Erik nodded. "I know who you are, I know who everyone is."

Unexpectedly, from the other side of the wall came a low voice, much like Kay-Erik's. "I too know who everyone is, but this man is entirely new to me. I do not like it." The other wall began to revolve and Meg and Christine slipped to the center of the hallway. Another man, all dressed in black, including a black full-face mask, entered. Christine tottered on her feet as Meg clutched her. Kay-Erik sounded indignant as he asked, "I dare say, who do you think you are?" The man stepped forward and said simply, "O.G" Christine muttered, "Huh." The man swept his cloak out wide and said. "I am the owner and engineer of this Opera House. I have lived her for nearly 20 years, and I am the one who gives you lessons by candlelight, My sweet Christine."

Christine looked back and forth between the two men. Meg asked. "What is your name?" The man replied. "Leroux-Erik". Kay-Erik meanwhile was gritting his teeth and retorted, "I am the architect of this Opera! How dare you come and stake claim to my home!" Both Meg and Christine were enchanted by this situation. Christine smiled at Meg. "I know who they are, two Angel of Music's, one for me and one for you." Meg thought Christine had fallen off the sanity wagon and landed in a pile of psychosis.

Meanwhile Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik were circling each other, brandishing their fists and glaring. Just then there was a shout from the end of the hallway. "No need to fight gentleman, lets all take a deep breath and calm down." A tall man was walking towards the group. He was wearing a three piece tuxedo and a white bowtie. His mask covered only half of his face, and the other half looked fairly good. Meg smiled. "Can you help us sort out this situation?" She asked. Leroux-Erik glared at the newcomer. "You can't possibly be pretending to be me, you're only half-deformed on your face, and your body is quite spectacular."

The man waved his hands in a grand gesture and bowed. "I am Crawford-Erik" He stated. Kay-Erik chuckled. "This man is a travesty to my existence. I could accept you, Leroux-Erik, but him, heh." The two men advanced on Crawford-Erik and he backed away. Meg and Christine bumped up against the wall. Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik began pummeling Crawford-Erik, and all three men were screaming, "I am the Opera Ghost, I rule this place!"

Suddenly Leroux-Erik brandished a Punjab-lasso and neatly loped it around Kay-Erik's neck. "Hey, we are fighting together against him!" Kay-Erik protested. Leroux-Erik laughed maniacally, "I fight for myself and no one else! Get out of my Opera House you imposters!" Meg and Christine were confused, and their confusion only deepened when Crawford-Erik dusted himself off and began to sing, "I am the Phantom of The Opera and you are the imposter!" Meg looked at the other two men, saying "Did he just sing that last part?" Christine nodded yes. Kay-Erik laughed, "What on earth was that?"

Crawford-Erik bowed. "I, Monsuier, am a singer, just as you two are I believe." Leroux-Erik looked bewildered. "Er no, I compose music for Christine to sing, although I do often sing myself." Kay-Erik agreed. "I'm a composer too, not a singer" Crawford-Erik snorted in a "Well I'm better than you" type of way and sauntered up next to Christine, who giggled as he ran his fingers along her chin.

Leroux-Erik screamed, "What audacity to touch her!" but before he could do any further damage they heard a shout. "Remove your hands from my Christine." All three Phantoms in the hallway shouted at once, "She's MY Christine!" and then began raising their fists at the unseen voice.

Another voice simply cackled menacingly, and two men appeared from the shadows of the hallway. Meg threw her hands in the air and muttered "Dear God, not more of them." Both men were tall and wearing capes, except the man on the left had a silk and velvet cape while the man on the right had a plastic PVC cape. The man on the right had long blonde hair, no facial deformity, and a rather handsome appearence. The man on the left was drop dead gorgeous, with only a three-quarter mask to hide his left side of his face. He had soft black hair and deep green eyes.

Christine felt herself melt under his gaze and smiled. Meg gently walked up to the long, blonde haired man and whispered lustfully, "Who are you Monsuier?" The man looked Meg up and down, admiring her torso, and whispered back, "Argento-Erik." The other man pushed Crawford-Erik away from Christine and said, "I am Butler-Erik, and you are MY Christine." Christine simply giggled and lost her senses as Butler-Erik leaned against the wall beside her.

Kay-Erik said exasperatedly, "What are you two dolts doing? You can't possibly call yourselves Phantoms of anything, except the Phantom's of Ladies Undergarments." Butler-Erik chuckled and Christine caressed his face while Meg and Argento-Erik did a small dance together, until Argento-Erik came up behind Meg. "You are so very beautiful little Meg" He whispered in her ear as Meg closed her eyes and began to enjoy the sensation.

Suddenly Argento-Erik bit her ear hard and stepped back. Meg, startled, leaped away from Argento-Erik. "He bit me!" Suddenly Crawford-Erik's punjab lasso closed around Argento-Erik's neck while Leroux-Erik hissed, "Don't ever touch Little Meg, or I'll bite off your personal area!" Butler-Erik came over to Argento-Erik and glared at him. The two men were locked in a stand-still and Meg moved over to Christine, while Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik shielded the girls from the two handsome men.

Kay-Erik sighed and looked at Leroux-Erik. "I dare say this is getting ridiculous, would you care to come with me and explore the rest of this Opera?" Leroux-Erik nodded and looked at the girls. "Megan, Christine, want to join us too?"  
Christine was watching open-mouthed as Butler-Erik and Argento-Erik pummeled each other into the ground, fists and hair flying everywhere. Meg nodded and walked with Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik towards the wall, where they dissapeared and came out on the other side, after which they wondered towards the dressing rooms.


	2. two

Butler-Erik stood up and pondered, "Where did they go?"

Argento-Erik smacked the side of Butler-Erik's face and the two men glared at each other. Crawford-Erik himself walked down the hall, curious to see what other surprises lay in store inside the building. Argento-Erik sidled up next to Christine, and Butler-Erik came to her other side. Christine fretted as both of the sexy men watched her intensly. She began to walk towards the center of the hall away from the wall, but Argento-Erik snapped his teeth and Butler-Erik slapped him.

Christine turned around and began to back up until she backed up into a chest. She screamed and turned around, to discover the owner of that chest. A tall, (Why were all the Phantoms so damn tall?), man wearing black evening clothes (Why did all the Phantom's wear black?) and a horrible, red and raw face covered in stitches, (This was were the only difference appeared. Apparently none of the Phantom's could agree on how terrifying and ugly their faces should have been, and it seemed as if Argento-Erik had just givn up on that idea) placed his hand on Christine's mouth. "Please don't scream my dear, you'll wake the employees."

Butler-Erik brandished his punjab-lasso and Argento-Erik snapped his teeth. Butler-Erik said harshly, "I believe Erik is French, and seeing as your accent is British, you can't possibly be me." The man looked at Butler-Erik and replied,"Well your accent is Scottish so I don't beleive you're Erik either." Both men glared at each other until Argento-Erik broke the silence. "Who are you Monsuier?" He asked in an American accent.

The man smiled a hideous smile within his raw, fleshy face. "I am Englund-Erik." He let Christine go and she ran over into Butler-Erik's shoulder. "Let us go see what the other three men and little Meg have gotten into in my Opera House." He told her.

Argento-Erik countered, "It's MY Opera House!" Butler-Erik replied, "It's my Opera House." "No it's Mine!" "It's Mine!" "It's My Opera House!" Both men continued their fight as they walked with Christine down the other end of the hallway.

Englund-Erik looked around himself. "It appears I have been left alone. This isn't my Opera House, I haunt the London one in England." Suddenly he heard a dragging sound. Turning around Englund-Erik was face to face with a large, over-sized skull with black eyes and no nose. The skull was attached to a hideous, cape-covered body and the man was looking straight at Englund-Erik. "Well now, who might you be?" He asked, but the man made no noise. "I say man, are you deaf?" He repeated.

The man with the abnormally large head pulled out a card and handed it to Englund-Erik. It read "I am Chaney-Erik, here for the Party." Englund-Erik dropped the note. He told the man, "I'm afraid the party has broken up, Care to follow me and explore this building?" Chaney-Erik nodded and the two men walked away, unaware that a third man had been watching them from the rafters of the ceiling. This man now dropped into the ground and stood up. He had reddish-blonde hair and a mask that covered the top half of his face but left his lips uncovered. Dance-Erik had now joined the foray!


	3. three

After Leroux-Erik, Meg, and Kay-Erik walked away from the strange situation they snuck down the halls to the second floor. Meg was enchanted by Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik and she had quite an interesting conversation with the two genius's.

The triumverate heard a strange squealing sound and stopped, hiding along the wall. Carlotta was in the ladies powder room singing and plucking her eyebrows. Meg giggled until Leroux-Erik pulled out his punjab lasso. She shook her head no, but it was too late as Leroux-Erik burst upon Carlotta and waved his lasso. He didn't intend to hurt her, just frighten Carlotta a bit and shut her up.

Carlotta fainted at the sight and Kay-Erik and Meg let out rauchous laughter. The three people stared at the unconcious woman, and then Meg noticed Carlotta's purse. She snickered as she opened it. Kay-Erik wrinkled his nose at the smell inside. "Does she honestly have to wear that perfume? It smells like a wet dog." Leroux-Erik snickered. Meg dumped the purse and it's contents, mostly make-up and love notes from Piangi, on the ground.

Leroux-Erik read one of the notes;"Darling, you are my love and light, you are the beauty of this earth." He snorted and then said, "Darling, you are the pimple on the face of this earth." Suddenly Kay-Erik laughed and exclaimed; "Let's paint her face with this stuff while she's out." Meg grinned. "A nasty make-over, how fun!" They each picked some make-up and set to work on Carlotta.

Meanwhile, Crawford-Erik had wondered off by himself. He found the instrument storage room and began to play a few instruments. He picked up a violin and started to sing as he played. Dance-Erik snuck up behind him and then began to sing along. Together they sang a duet, then got into a fight over whose Opera House they were in, and then sang again. They fought when Dance-Erik said his father was the owner of the Opera, and then they sang another song. After that Dance-Erik punched Crawford-Erik and left, laughing maniacaly.

Christine was following the two handsome Erik's down the hall. She had no idea what was going on but she rather enjoyed the veiw as the two men sashayed in front of her.

They walked down to the Ballet Foyer but were unable to slip by Mme. Giry and La Sorelli. (Now, in this story the characters of Sorelli and Giry are based on Leroux's book, so Mme. Giry has no idea who Erik is.) The two women called out to Christine, and their jaws dropped when they saw the two men she was with. "Christine, you simply must introduce us." La Sorelli said as she walked towards Argento-Erik. Mme. Giry adjusted her bonnet and said merrily. "It's a little late to have visitors now, but you two are welcome to stay." Butler-Erik nodded and said, "It is a pleasure to meet you two, I am known as  
Butler-Erik and this is Argento-Erik."

La Sorelli was stroking Argento-Erik's hair and smiling. Christine held tightly on to Butler-Erik's arm as they all five sat down. "So Christine, how is Raoul?" Mme. Giry asked. Christine was gazing at Butler-Erik and muttered, "Yeah, that guy's fine, I mean..who are you talking about?"

Suddenly they heard two voices from the hallway outside the foyer,"You'll giivve yourr lovvee tooo mee, foorr lovve is blinndd." Apparently Brightman-Christine and Harley-Erik were wondering around the Opera House singing really bad 80's tunes. The voices trailed off, singing "The Pphanntomm ooff Thhee Opeeraa is noow, Your Master Mind!" Mme. Giry looked confused but La Sorelli had lost herself with Argento-Erik and they were now locked in a passionate embrace.

Christine murmered to Butler-Erik, "Are you sure he won't bite her lips off?" He shrugged and said, "She wants to take the risk." Christine smiled and shyly replied, "Can I take a risk with you?" Mme. Giry looked astonished and she quietly slipped out of the foyer, leaving the two couples behind. She decided to find the Managers and tell them about the strange men in the Opera House in the middle of the night.


	4. four

While the other Phantom's had gone off to find amusement, Englund-Erik and Chaney-Erik were having a grand time running around the front hall. They raced up and down the stairs, balanced on the rails, and laughed maniacaly. Well, Englund-Erik laughed while Chaney-Erik just ran around silently with his mouth open.

Englund-Erik did a cartwheel across the floor as Chaney-Erik swung his punjab lasso on the top rafter of the roof. He then began to swing across the high ceiling. Suddenly they heard music coming from both sides of the double staircase. From the left there was a violin and from the right there was a man singing.

The two men suddenly stopped, lunged at each other, and began to fight.

Again.

Englund-Erik grabbed the violin from the floor and began to play a soft melody. Chaney-Erik watched Crawford-Erik and Dance-Erik swing at each other, and then just for the heck of it he too began to punch the men. All three men brawled until they came to the edge of the stairs. Crawford-Erik held onto the railing as Dance-Erik fell down.

He reached the bottom and looked up at Andre Moncharmin. "Father!" He screamed gleefully. The two managers screamed at the same time, "What in the Hell is going on here!" Mme. Giry was behind them, reeling from shock at so many different men running amock in the Opera House. Just then Chaney-Erik dropped from the rafters onto the two managers and knocked them unconcious.

Crawford-Erik told Mme. Giry, "Go find Meg and Christine and bring them here." Mme. Giry ruffled her dress, adjusted her bonnet, and walked off in a huff. Chaney-Erik, meanwhile, had bound and gagged the two managers and was now dragging them to a sofa. Englund-Erik was laughing at the whole farce. Crawford-Erik smiled as Englund-Erik began to play the violin. Chaney-Erik and Dance-Erik began to dance as Crawford-Erik sang, "The Phantom of the Opera is there, and over there, and right there as well!"

Carlotta's make-over was complete, and Kay-Erik and Leroux-Erik made Meg face the wall as they removed their masks to dry their hysterical tears. All three were laughing and having a grand time.

Kay-Erik told Meg, "You can look at us now dear." She smiled as she scooted over to him. They looked at Carlotta, whose face was now bright green with pink polka dots.

Her eyes had been outlined in khol and looked bruised, and her hair was streaked with pink lipstick. They had stolen all of her fine jewlery and Meg was wearing her expensive shoes. Only once during the make-over did Carlotta wake up, but at the sight of Leroux-Erik's glowing yellow eyes she fell back unconcious. Now the triumverate stood up and looked at each other. "I believe we need to find out what the other men have gotten into." Leroux-Erik said. Meg nodded and replied, "I need to find Christine." They wondered down the hall and into the Ballet Foyer, and stopped dead in their tracks.

La Sorelli and Argento-Erik had dissapeared, and Butler-Erik and Christine were making out heavily on the couch. Butler-Erik's mask had fallen off, but Christine didn't seem fazed by his sunburn. They were both oblivious to the three open-jawed people standing in the doorway.

Leroux-Erik was sobbing and Kay-Erik was trying to console him. Both men were crying when Christine noticed them. 'Oh!" She quickly pulled up her corset and pulled down her skirt, and Butler-Erik hid his face in her shoulder.

Kay-Erik had fire in his eyes as he menacingly walked towards the man. "How...Dare...You" He said harshly, "How dare You mock our Pain with that...that..Sunburn! You should hang for this travesty!" Suddenly a rope was around Butler-Erik's throat and Leroux-Erik growled, "He WILL hang for this! He dared to touch my Christine, he dares to call himself The Phantom with that silly burn, and he dares to Enter my Domain!" Butler-Erik was choking and Christine was sobbing on Meg's shoulder.

Kay-Erik and Leroux-Erik began to punch, kick, and pretty much maim Butler-Erik. By the time they were finished Meg and Christine had left, and Butler-Erik was unconcious, or dead, it was hard to tell. They looked at each other, and then began to laugh. Kay-Erik smiled as he said "Lets go find the girls." Leroux-Erik's grin faded adruptly and Kay-Erik patted his back. "Can you blame her?" Leroux-Erik sighed. The two men walked away as Butler-Erik groaned. "Ouch" He said.


	5. five

  
Meanwhile La Sorelli and Argento-Erik were in her budoiur smoking a cigarette. La Sorelli had suffered a few bites and smacks, but she had enjoyed the pain and was now snuggled into Argento-Erik's arms. Suddenly they heard music and singing, and decided to go join the party. 

Mme. Giry was following the sound of the violin, which had now been joined by a trumpet. She passed the Ballet Foyer and heard sobbing. She found Butler-Erik bloody and bruised, holding his tiny mask. Shaking her head she helped him to his feet and they walked, or rather limped, to the sound of the party.

As La Sorelli and Argento-Erik rounded the corner they bumped into Christine and Meg. As the four people walked on they ran into Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik, who glared at Argento-Erik but decided he was simply a parody and not serious about being The Phantom. They didn't beat him up, they just kicked him and tripped him once, at which Argento-Erik had punched Leroux-Erik and bit his ear hard.

The girls had to seperate all three Phantoms and walk between them. They found Mme. Giry and Butler-Erik farther down the floors, and Butler-Erik cringed at the sight of Leroux and Kay. Mme. Giry kept Butler-Erik away from the other three men and the entire group came to a stand-still at the top of the double staircase.

Englund-Erik was playing the violin while Dance-Erik was playing a small trumpet.

Crawford-Erik was singing on top of the railing as Chaney-Erik ran around madly.

Andre and Firmin were bound and gagged on a sofa.

Mme. Giry and Christine ran down to free the managers, and Leroux-Erik took that moment to push Butler-Erik down the stairs.

Meg's eyes were large and she screamed, "ENOUGH ALREADY!" "Just stop what your doing and calm down!" All eight men stopped and looked at her. Andre and Firmin shook themselves and raced to Meg's side. Andre cleared his throat and said, "I have no idea who you men are but I insist that if you do not leave now I will call the Police!" Firmin pointed to the door and added. "You maniacs need to depart at once!"

Crawford-Erik also pointed to the door and said quietly, "Er, out there? Outside?" Seven of the men nervously looked about, but Butler-Erik groaned in pain. "Oh for God's sake get that man a Doctor!" Andre said. Just at that moment they heard an ear-shattering shriek.

Carlotta's voice rang out over the entire Opera House, "My Face! My Hair! Ahhhhhhh!" Firmin and Andre raced up to see what was the matter, and the men gathered in a group. Meg tried to listen as they talked, but couldn't hear much. Christine and Mme. Giry stood by La Sorelli and tried to grasp hold of what was being discussed.

Finally Crawford-Erik cleared his thoat and said, "Madmouisalles, It has been a pleasure meeting all of you. I wish you a merry day and we will be retiring to our home." Meg looked confused and asked, "All of you? Home, in one place?"

Crawford-Erik shook his head, "No my dear, I mean each one of us shall be returning to our vastly different homes. Some of us live in an apartment under the Opera, a few of us live in a cave, and one of us lives in the year 1989."

Argento-Erik walked up to La Sorelli and kissed her passionatly. He smiled and said, "I'll miss you." La Sorelli smiled and ran her fingers one last time through his silky, blonde hair.

He walked away as Englund-Erik and Chaney-Erik bowed. "We had a wonderful time tonight. He wants to thank you." Englund-Erik motioned to Chaney-Erik, who waved and walked off.

Dance-Erik had dissapeared as silently as he had appeared, and Crawford-Erik came up to kiss the hands of all four ladies. "I bid you adou, ma cheries."

He dissapeared and Leroux-Erik and Kay-Erik came up to kiss Meg on each side of her cheek. She blushed as they said, "Goodbye and Goodnight, we had a fun time with you." Leroux-Erik came to kiss Christine on her hand and he said, "I'm not angry with you, but I am dissapointed. I still remain your loyal Angel of Music."

Christine reached out and hugged Leroux-Erik, and both men walked away quietly.

Butler-Erik came up to the four ladies and said, "I apologize for any inconveniance you have suffered tonight. I hope you all enjoyed your time, now I must go and take a long, hot bath with Epsom Salt." Christine fainted at the thought of Butler-Erik in a bath and Mme. Giry simply said, "Go, just get out." Butler-Erik limped away.

The three girls brought Christine to the Tea Foyer and all four talked gaily about their adventures with the many different Phantoms.

The End.


End file.
